I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
