she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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