In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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