apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
