He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
