i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My legs feel like baby dolphins
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize