just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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