Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
