You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
