PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
