this beer tastes like vomit already
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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