so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
