I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
