planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
