You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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