she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
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