Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize