it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
