brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
