careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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