good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
