And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
