No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize