dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
