i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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