What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
