How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
what day is it and did you see me today?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
