Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
