I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
