his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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