My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize