guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
