I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
