they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
