hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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