I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
