you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
