it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
