shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
