That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
