then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
