Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
