It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
