We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
