The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
