you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
