I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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