Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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