someone get that fucking seahorse.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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