So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
