He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
