so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
