How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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