This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
