Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm passing your future prison.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
