I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize