Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
vagina is talking i cant
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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