i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
