I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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