dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
