Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
