Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
