I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so that wasnt chicken after all
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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