i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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