Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
